he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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