i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
