tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
