i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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