Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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