SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
