community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize