Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
