I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
