I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
