do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
