So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
