yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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