i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
