I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
