i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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