So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
