One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
