we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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