Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
