why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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