i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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