Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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