Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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