you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
smell my finger.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The air was thick with penises
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
