i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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