Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
