I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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