We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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