I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
