I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
