if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
