It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
