I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
