where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
