My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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