Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He better not be in your backpack
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
