You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
this hospital has no fireball
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
