; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
