And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
