if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
