Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Less talking, more tequila
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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