You just made me feel so damn special
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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