yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
