I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
