I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
