I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
