Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
