Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
