I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
