I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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