Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
