Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He did a backflip because drugs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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