Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
