so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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