Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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