apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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