if you like me you must not know who I am
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
