Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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