Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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