dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
