burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
