the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
