so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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