thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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