do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
