I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
